i am more than my laugh, a 40 and a blunt!

I really need to start making some changes....I can only be me, i dont know how to be anyone else. But something somebody said hit me hard. He may not have even said it to hurt me or demean me, but thats how I took it. i asked, "why is it that I cant find anyone who wants to be in a serious relationship with me?" his answer was that i give off a "party girl vibe" like if you want to have fun, call Chan. You want to drink, smoke, laugh, have a good time, call Chan. And for some odd reason, I always thought that was a good thing. Like, nobody wants to hang around a boring person all day right? And it helps in my job, im an outgoing person. for the majority of my life i have been this way. I dont know how to be different.

Maybe it started when I was young and was teased all the time for being ugly and fat. No boys would date me, so i ended up being the chick that they partied with. hung out with. told me all the problems of their girlfriends. never "the one" just "the one to party with". And i always was fine with it, so i thought. I never thought that being told I like to party would effect me so negatively.

Now im not saying that im gonna stop partying! lol far from it. Thats who I am. but damn, can a sista get some love too?? no matter how much i think like a dude, or talk like a dude, or party like one, im still a lil fat ugly girl at heart, looking for someone to fall head over heels in love with me....im just a girl!